i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
