I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
