I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We have started to decorate penises.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
