ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
