are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
