Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
