you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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