What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
