I wish my penis had an off switch
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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