you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
