Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
