I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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