I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
