maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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