hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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