my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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