I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
