Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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