I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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