Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
organizing the empties. That sober.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
