His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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