Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
ttyl tear gas
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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