First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
