If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
