I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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