just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
