I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
