Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
