and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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