Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
