The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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