i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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