the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
