Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
