I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
