I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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