Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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