If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize