My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
