he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
