Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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