The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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