This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
