great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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