Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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