There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
