Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
