i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
