Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
