I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
