so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
