I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
