toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
