There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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