My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
