Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
operation harelip BJ is a go
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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