She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't deserve a penis
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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