hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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