I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
