I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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