I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed