i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?