I could have mohawked her pubes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
