It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
