why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
