wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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