it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize