Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
