Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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