what day is it and did you see me today?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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