Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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