Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is Oprah even human
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
