Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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