Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
