I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
