somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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