it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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