It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
